intrinsic or extrinsic?
Middle Moments: Balancing the Weight of Intrinsic and Extrinsic Values
Life has a way of asking for all of you, right? I’ve been in a season that feels exhilarating and overwhelming: Living with a partner, pursuing a master’s degree, building new friendships, managing my relationship with social media and entertainment. It’s a lot to hold, and at times, I find myself juggling so many priorities that I can forget the why.
What keeps me grounded are the middle moments—the spaces between tasks and responsibilities where I pause, check-in, and recalibrate. Breathing intentionally, crafting weekly, monthly, and quarterly goal lists, and reading books that realign me with my values have become my anchors. One book, Arete by Brian Johnson, has had a profound impact. Johnson’s explanation of intrinsic and extrinsic values has helped me rethink how I show up for myself, especially in those in-between moments.
Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Values: A Roadmap for Balance
Johnson (2021) explains intrinsic values as fulfilling us from the inside out—like personal growth, relationships, and meaning. They reveal what matters to us and often align with our sense of purpose. Extrinsic values are focused on external rewards, like social recognition, financial success, or material possessions. While extrinsic motivations aren’t inherently bad, relying on them too much can leave us feeling disconnected from ourselves.
Social media use is at an all-time high; it’s easy to let extrinsic values take the wheel. Social media can pull us into cycles of comparison. The pressures of academia or work can lead us to focus solely on achievement. Moving to a new city can feel like an endless loop of proving that I’m thriving. Don’t get me wrong, these are important in their own way, but external markers of success can overshadow the intrinsic motivations that truly sustain us.
Middle Moments as a Bridge
This is where middle moments come in. These small moments of awareness—whether they last seconds, minutes, or longer—are where I reconnect with intrinsic values. When I take a moment to breathe deeply before jumping into another task or reflecting on why I’m working toward my goals, I shift my focus from external pressures to internal clarity.
I can ask myself: Am I acting out of alignment with what truly matters to me? This question reminds me that finishing a task isn’t just about checking a box; it’s about contributing to a larger vision of the person I want to become. Intrinsic motivation pulls me back to what’s meaningful: my desire to help others through mental health work, to nurture my relationships, and to create a life of intention.
Practical Steps to Honor Intrinsic Values
In this season, here are a few things I’ve been doing to keep my intrinsic values front and center:
Intentional Breathing: I take a deep breath before starting any primary task, reminding myself why I’m doing it. It’s simple, but it’s powerful.
Mindful Lists: Creating weekly, monthly, and quarterly goals helps me align my actions with what truly matters—not just what’s urgent.
Reading for Perspective: Books like Arete remind me to connect more to what is fulfilling than instantly feels good. Johnson’s perspective on living virtuously rather than chasing external markers of success has been a game changer.
Finding Freedom in the Space Between
In these middle moments, I find the freedom Frankl (2006) described: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom”. Choosing intrinsic over extrinsic values in these small, intentional ways doesn’t just lighten the load—it transforms it into something meaningful.
I’m learning that showing up for myself isn’t about having it all together. It’s about pausing long enough to make choices that reflect who I want to be. Those middle moments, though small, are where growth can take hold.
Written by Marcus Carter.
References
Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man’s search for meaning. Beacon Press.
Johnson, B. (2021). Arete: Activate your heroic potential. Heroic Books.
